Releasing Bricks and Mortar

One brick at a time...each layer of mortar.  

It takes time, labour, a strong will and 

determination to build it up.  

But in one fowl swoop...one harsh storm...

one wrecking ball...that's all it takes 

ONE 

and you're back to SQUARE ONE.

Do the laws of gravity apply to the tearing down of a spirit inasmuch as the bulldozing of a structure?  There is ease in destruction...demolition...gossip, slander...the cold shoulder...

What am I getting out of this anyway?  Is there anything good in the feeding of the lazy and careless tumour that lies dormant until I poke and prod the nastiness deep within.  Does the poison taste sweet?  Do you feel that chill...as the darkness creeps in? As the tumour begins to grow...spread...infiltrate...strangling any life and goodness that surrounds it.

There is the power of life and death in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21).  I can feel it as the careless words of destruction, of hate and gossip  pass over my lips...a decaying of any life and love in my spirit, infecting anyone within earshot with the same contagious bacteria of negativity and slander...poison... 

Who do I think I am?  I was never granted the right...the judgment was never mine.  It was in the hands of the one who sees it all...knows it all.  I can't hide my decrepit state from him...I can't pretend I'm not rotting inside.  He sees.  

I shake in fear...in digust of myself. As I grovel at the foot of the judges bench... begging to be pardoned...for the root of the tumour to be carved clear out.  

I hear the courtroom whisper his name as the judge enters...Christ.  I shrivel as all the darkness inside of me cowers under his rule.  I wait for the sentence to fall heavy upon me...like the wrecking ball of destruction I have so often dropped upon others.  

The judge speaks out, coinciding with the drop of his judges mallet after each word to seal that which is spoken...

MERCY...bang....

COMPASSION...bang...

FORGIVENESS...bang. 

Like hammering nails...into a blood stained cross. Piercing the tumour, destroying it with one swift blow.  

Hammering strength and life back into that which must be built up...I long to nurture it this time...one brick at a time...one layer of mortar at a time...one blood stained nail at a time.  But with the strength found in redemption.

He poured out that which I never willingly gave...life...love...a second chance.  It changes everything...life instead of death...now only life and love part these lips.  Because I received it when death was my sentence.

~wanna read more?  try Proverbs 18:8, Mark 7:17-23, Ephesians 1:7

(see picture at http://pinterest.com/pin/98938523036878915/)

Releasing Social Sensibility

Imagine if you and I met today...picture it...I smile, shake your hand, say nice to meet you.  Now picture this...I ask you what do you do?  What's your response?  

Do you anxiously search your mind.  Looking for the words to describe the mundane day to day you call your job...your career...your Monday to Friday grind.  Do you hastily throw out a word that vaguely encapsulates this answer...do you feel worth, or lack thereof from giving this answer?

This question is misleading...empty...and quite frankly most people that ask it aren't that interested in your nine to five anyway.  It's a way to fill the space....  

I think there is a deeper level to this question but our society isn't interested in going much deeper than a puddle so what's the point.  I'm bored with this question.  I'm not that interested in hearing what you do for a living, even if it's really interesting...really impressive.  Doing something for money is unoriginal...and lets be honest, a good majority of us are in jobs that 
bring us 
little to no joy or satisfaction.

What I'm interested in is what do you do: 

that makes you who you are?  

that brings you joy?  

that inspires you?  

that defines you?  

that intrigues you?  

that is growing you?

If it happens to be your job then you are blessed (or you need some hobbies).  But for the rest of us lets be honest...lets break out of this facade we hide behind...afraid to show our real selves...our human selves.  Is this why we walk around the concrete jungle without making eye contact, without engaging, without smiling? Afraid that we might be seen...found out...that the only thing holding us together is bruised flesh and bone...that we love, and hate and cry and feel...that we're not perfect.  That we're vulnerable...all of us.

Take a moment...let that register.  Whether you spend most of your day sitting in a corner office or sitting at a street corner, we're not all that different...and yet we are all so complicatedly unique.

So lets try this again...I SMILE...I look into your eyes - the windows to your soul...nice to meet you...what do you DO...that makes you...that breaks you...that molds you... what do you do?

(see picture at http://pinterest.com/pin/98938523036860742/)

Releasing the Glory (in a dream)

It was as if the earth's crust was exploding...like fireworks were attempting to escape through the cracks in the pavement.  Crevasses glowed in flashes of amber.  

Watching, I saw it move north to south...then east to west.  Flecks of purple and green and blue danced among the fiery white sparks.  Like a carnival of colour and texture...a tangible expression of a celebration of sorts.  Colours dancing...the earth releasing an unexpected, unexplained beauty.  What a sight.  I tried to speak but the words were not familiar.  My tongue danced and trilled to express what was inexpressible.  All I could think was this must be the GLORY.  

For thine is the Kingdom, the Power and the GLORY ~ Matthew 6:13

I often pray for His kingdom and power to invade...His will to be done...His strength and authority to rein...but the glory?  I don't know that my finite being could handle this magnificence.  But the first two is only a fraction of the revelation of His whole being. Am I asking for a fragmented God?  Perhaps that's why I live a fragmented life.

It was odd but amazing...unknown but so familiar.   A supernatural experience that was stored somewhere in my supernatural make up.  A dream I'd NEVER had before...and will never forget.

I woke up to the dark.  My eyes fully awake, searched the four walls...fully expecting to see Jesus standing there in all his GLORY.  In the unexpected...Christ revealed in a vision...in a revelation. Maybe in the way that John wrote about his own visions and revelations...halos like rainbows...faces like the sun...feet like columns of fire (Revelation 10:1).  Some shy away from this unknown magnificence...but I don't want to miss this.

My heart beats awake and alive to a vision of more.  More beauty...more majesty...more GLORY!  From a God that has a make up beyond anything I can fully comprehend...yet fully loves and fully meets me where I'm at in my finite state...until that glorious day his full GLORY is revealed before us all. 

(see picture at http://pinterest.com/pin/98938523036848898/

Releasing the Similarities of Differences

Polar opposites.  But also so much alike.  Similarities that cause friction so intense it can start a fire...but something that fueled has to come from a deep passion...a love like no other.  A love...a connection that was birthed through birth...the chord may have been cut early on, but they are tied for life.

A relationship that is birthing new elements...new levels all the time.  Evolving into a beautiful creation.   

A softening to our differences...a recognition of our similarities.  Celebrating these.  Relationships are in constant motion...requiring work.  Anything worth having does.  Like a garden of the soul...breaking the earth, turning over every dry and cracked patch of soil to reveal new life...fresh revelation hidden deep below.  On hands and knees...pulling the weeds that pop up and strangle health right out of what's between us...planting new beauty...a labour of love...always pruning, watering to feed life between us...but the work is evident.  A beautiful creation emerges from a labour of love.  

The story of mother and daughter can play out different in each corner of the world...but common threads emerge in each story...through a relationship so tightly knit...so deeply embedded in a soul.

She reaches out...holds my hand...my eyes brim with water to be poured right out...an overflowing...like a cleansing from deep within.  The words she speaks move me...I'm surprised how much they move me.  I'm proud of you, she says. Did she know it would change everything?  She probably did...she's always known everything as far back as I can remember.  She's wonderful...she's an open vessel...she's passionate...she's a firecracker...she's my mother.

Much like the labour before birth...decades later, she still remembers...remembers the pain from the labour....the joy from the labour.  The love poured out in the labour.  Pouring out of ones self...to birth something beautiful...meaningful.  

A bond that can never be broken...even after the chord is cut. 


Happy Birthday, Mom!  I love you with a passionate, full heart.  May God bless you abundantly this year for all the love, honesty, authenticity and forgiveness you've poured out in my life.  I am so blessed to have you as my mom.  Love, Jenn  xoxo

(see picture at http://pinterest.com/pin/98938523036812353/)

Releasings for the Sons and Daughters

FOR THE DAUGHTERS

How precious are His thoughts for you.  How abundantly numerous and extraordinarily kind.

In your striving to be enough...to be worthy and good...he breathes words of affirmation into the atmosphere, dissolving the thick air of guilt that surrounds you.  Wiping your tear stained cheeks...carefully catching the droplets ..knowing the heartache that surrounds each one...and caring deeply about your sensitive heart.  Covering and taking your shame...replacing it with the radiance of His family name...because you have been adopted...chosen and established into His family.  Into the safety of his dwelling... where he cares, nourishes and dotes upon his beautiful, cherished daughter with his unswerving, unconditional love and affection.  

Performance to gain his love - his acceptance - can be laid to rest.  You're already seen...right where you are.  You're enough...every stitch of you.  

Your position in his family...as he calls you daughter...is guaranteed.  It can never be compromised, never be stolen or replaced by someone sweeter or lovelier...you are the prized daughter that he holds highest esteem to.  You were enveloped in his embrace before you were even aware...his love for you is overflowing.  He's gentle with you...he's careful with your irreplaceable heart.  When others have not been so gentle...carelessly batting your heart around, daddy wants to fix the wounds...heal the hurt.  He's the only one that can mend what's broken and keep it soft and open to be loved.

He longs for his daughter to draw near to him...minus the striving...just as you are...so he can whisper a Father's love song to your spirit...to release your birth right...to stamp it on your heart and seal it in your spirit.  

Precious child...daughter...He's so fond of you. He's so proud of you. He so loves you.

FOR THE SONS

Son, if you know one thing in life...if you fight for one spec of knowledge to hold on to when control feels like it's breaking and rushing away...slipping from your calloused and splintered fingers.  Know this: Father God loves you wildly... passionately.  

He will NEVER leave you...never forsake you...all the days you live and breathe and carry immense weight while protecting the vulnerable ones on this earth.  

He will protect you and strengthen you...pouring out what you need right where you need it...right WHEN you need it.   

He is trustworthy...a generous provider and mighty Saviour.  Be still in his presence and he will pull you up under his arm and whisper words of affirmation to feed the boy inside...to strengthen the inner and outer man...pouring out living water...liquid life to your dry and dusty bones.  Filling your spirit...your heart with all the things you may be lacking.  All the holes you try to fill with things of this earth....filling in potholes of your supple heart with cement...it weighs heavy...dense.  They won't give you what you really need.  

The healing balm of redemption, forgiveness, acceptance will soothe the sting of life.  Compassion to heal the scrapes and bruises you've left neglected...when you thought you were too tough to tend to small flesh wounds.  But these were no flesh wounds...the gouges ran deep and have never fully healed.  

You, brave warrior...it's time to rest under the protection of a Father who keeps a watchful and affectionate eye on you.  Tending to that which is raw...open...but you must be still and leave it open for his healing to soak deep.  Deep into a spirit gasping for air...longing for more...desiring to walk strong... and live strong... and be strong.   

You, brave warrior, can do all things, through your mighty Saviour...the one who gives you life and love ...the one who gives you His strength...strength in weakness...

Be still...know the truth.  You are wildly loved.


~wanna read more?  try Psalm 139 and know the FULL truth

(see pictures at  http://pinterest.com/pin/98938523036793387/   http://pinterest.com/pin/98938523036793388/)

Releasing Scars

Scars - battle wounds...reminders. 

Of the injuries of the past...of the saving grace that you're still here...alive.  

Have they made you a different version of yourself?  

Death dodging builds soul strengthening.

My eyes look awake to the reminders I see, but know nothing about...a woman bears remembrance with a stripe of pink splashed straight down her chest...a man with a lingering sign of damage cut clean through  his delicate neck...another with an S shaped contour stretching from nose to lip...a reminder in each glance reflecting back in the mirror.  I've noticed scars...and celebrated graces for each fragile yet mighty warrior. 

In the bearing of scars there is no desertion... abandonment...  discarding... forsaking... in the pain you've been through.  The thing that brought you closer to death but now makes you more alive.

The Holy One knows that sacred place of bearing and remembering...the pain that brought life...even eternal life.  When Christ concurred death, he still bore those scars...to remind...as proof of the grace and the power.  He meets you with a deep understanding in the midst of your scars...whether seen or hidden.  Whether of the flesh or of the spirit.  

Run your fingers over the grooves of grace...the stripes of sacrifice....the holes of holiness.  The place that doubting Thomas finally believed (John 20:24-29) ...a declaration that scars hold weight and memory.  

In the injury he's with you...in the healing he's with you and he knows it all...personally.  He bears battle wounds too. Celebrate his beautiful love stained scars....he bore them for you.

(see picture at http://pinterest.com/pin/98938523036770574/)

Releasing Another Reminder on Perfection (because I need many!)

A week of feeling down, not enough...but the revelation came to relieve.  Perfection doesn't exist on earth...life is messy...the house gets messy, my hair gets messy...my heart gets messy. 

Then a Paradigm shift (another one, cause I always seem to end up back in this place - see Releasing the Imperfect) ...perfection does exist...and it's living exactly where I am right here and right now.  Perfection is not something to BE obtained...it is already obtained right here.  Living awake and alive is perfection.  

Stop fighting with everything...struggling to look perfect, act perfect, perform perfect...striving in vain and only to find out that what I thought was perfect is actually not real and never will be (now THAT's enough to drive someone mad). This shift could save my life!

No more hiding in the shadows...behind something I think I ought to be.  Waiting for the day that I have arrived.  This is it!  If you're here living and breathing, you already have arrived...you are exactly and perfectly where you need to be, but you need to accept this for today...don't deny it...don't deny yourself of where you are...or letting another day pass where you're searching and striving for something other than here and now. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try new things and listen to where your heart...the whisper of your Creator... is telling you where to go, but it does mean that in the midst of the changing and moving forward you appreciate where you are right here and now.  

The thing is that the essence of life is that it's always in motion, always changing...your perfection today will change tomorrow to become a new perfection...it's not static...and that is how it should be.


We all have different experiences, live in different ways...I know it can feel messy and hard. But one thing we have in common is the human experience...living in a body...living within the constraints of time and space.  These are the parameters our perfection exists in on earth.  So go easy on yourself...and go easy on your neighbour. Know you are staring at someone in their perfection for today.  It won't always look like yours, but embrace the diversity in the landscape...the heart-scape.  Because an open heart - right here, right now - is a perfect one... 

(see picture at http://pinterest.com/pin/98938523036759428/)

Releasing a Reminder

She's walking, but she wants to run.  She's breathing but it's not filling her lungs...not fully...not to a point where she feels relief.  

She looks down at her body, just for a second to check...everything's in place but it feels not quite right...like her draping clothes, her tight and porous skin don't quite belong... but they must for now - she knows. 

She's focused...she has to be...because as soon as she takes her mind off the prize it wont make sense.  She doesn't want to enter the confusion...chaos.

She smiles...to remind herself that there is joy in this.  Not in the heaviness of flesh, but in the lightness of spirit.  Thank you for giving me a spirit...your Spirit, she whispers under her breath.

Restlessness is a familiar condition...feeling trapped in the flesh but knowing you couldn't possibly be contained by it...but only for a little while.  But this little while is not a time to rush.  It's a gift...it's a gift...it's a gift.  Her heart beats this rhythm because she can't forget.  Not for one second.

When you feel like a foreigner...like an outsider in your own shell...your own home, don't be surprised or discouraged.  It's not meant to discourage ...just remind...there's more...you are more.

Give praise for the gift...no matter how strange, or how unsure you are of what or how or why.

Faith is trusting there's a reason...a purpose.

Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked.  For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. ~2 Corinthians 5:2-3

We live by faith, not by sight. ~2 Corinthians 5:7

(see picture at http://pinterest.com/pin/98938523036743374/)

Releasing Fidelity for a Friend

She sits alone...big empty house...not a sound.  She pulls the blanket up over her legs, over her shoulders...there's a chill, but she's not sure it has anything to do with the temperature.  

Have I let my heart grow cold? she thinks.. My eyes are tired but my mind is restless.  She searches her thoughts...is there anything there I can chew on for a while?  

She can almost see the cloud of negativity in her peripheral vision.  It's trying to sneak in...it's so easy to let it.  Why is it harder to fight that which is killing me than to drink in life?  Why does it feel easier to hate, to cry, to scream, to kill...something's molding inside...she can almost taste the bitterness.

She feels mad...but towards who?  

She pulls the blanket over her head and closes her eyes under the dark covering...it can look deceiving...like there's no way out...like it's all there is... especially if you hang out there for a while.  But reality can be simple if you let it...lift your hands up and push through...the covering of darkness will fall and light will flood.

She knows she does not belong to this darkness...both under this blanket and in her clouded mind.  She once was drawn to the light...enjoyed basking in joy, peace, love...like the heat of a summer day.  But where are they now?  Has everything changed...or is it me?

You, friend...you that are reading this...you know she's not as alone as she feels.

Have you been there?  Did you think for a moment this was your story?  Your narrative?  It's a common place...a common lie...that we're in the dark.  That you belong there.  That it's too hard to fight it.  Maybe she needs your hand...maybe she needs you to lift the dark covering or just to show her the direction to get out.  We can't do it on our own...we need each other.  Isn't that why we're all here, anyway?  Isn't that why we have hands, and feet, and words and a beating heart...to share it with someone who needs it.

I walk up to her house and knock on the door...she doesn't answer.  I ring the bell...nothing.  I call through the door...a friend is here...you're not alone.  Open up!  I wait...she comes...she opens up.  

I hold her...you are loved.  I look her in the eye...I know who you are...you are a daughter of the light. You are not alone.

Love is never wasted....it never fails.

The truth pierces...it sets her free.  


~wanna read more?  Mark 12:31, 1 Corinthians 13:6-8

(see picture at http://pinterest.com/pin/98938523036725967/)

Releasing Endings

Goodbyes, endings, the completion of something...and always something wonderful...someone wonderful.  My habit of avoiding an end, or hijacking a goodbye with rage, a cold shoulder or some other ridiculous distraction...it's hard.

Like the letters scrolled across the big screen at the completion of a film. The end is hard.  So much weight to carry in those two small and seemingly insignificant words. Why does this goodness, this beauty, this treasured moment have to finish?  Why does this weekend have to end? ... this holiday .... this celebration ....this life ....

How many times will I say goodbye before it gets easier?  Only once I can change my vocabulary...from goodbye to thank you.  From the end to a new start.  From death to life everlasting....thankful for the memories. For experiences.  

I'm still growing...I'm still in process.  To beginnings I say yes please!  And to endings I will say from the bottom of my heart...thank you!

(see picture at http://pinterest.com/pin/98938523036713899/)