Releasing a Gift

The gift has been sent...signed, sealed delivered.  

But I never open it...cut the ribbon, remove the lid, pull the gift out 

and use it like it was intended.  

Free-will and choice...delivered right to my doorstep.  And yet I live ruled by this world and controlled by everything in it.  Like a victim instead of a slave freed from the shackles.  You've opened the cell door and said, run...go!  And yet I shake my hand and my head...no, no...I'll stay right here. 

Pain and trials...sufficiency or sentence?  How am I playing this out...believing this out...breathing this out?  Like a broken little bird...stunned at every sting.  Cowering and licking my wounds.  Shaking my fist at a God who can't possibly be good if this is my story.   

I anxiously pray my way through life begging for no splinters, no bumps, no disappointments or inconveniences. Requesting no character-building, soul-strengthening life experiences to touch my path...then maybe I don't have to reach out for help. And if I don't need help then hopefully I don't have to offer help.  Because it's much less disruptive hanging out over here clinging to my insipid life and moldy possessions all on my own.

I need a reassessment...a second glance at all of this.  You've freely given and I live trying to pay the price...of something that's FREE. I wanna make a new choice.  I choose to carry your light yoke...trade in my 3 ton load.  Live life...and life to it's fullest.  

Every moment of every day is a choice...life or death.  It's not easy when all I've known is the confines of a prison cell....when every time I take a step in my own strength, mistaking it for your freedom I'm smacked down by the anxiety of a world that's big and scary and heavy.  

Fall back into my arms...you say.  You don't have to carry the weight of the world...the weight of your burdensome thoughts.  Release your breath and your weight and fall back into my arms. This is the freedom I offer...the judgments and burdens of this world are not yours to claim anymore.  Live through my glorious filter...be free to lay it all at my feet...you can run faster and jump higher when the weights are gone and you are FREE.

As I walk today I do just that...for every piercing fear or fiery rage of the beast I bare, I breathe out the toxins and picture myself falling into your strong, capable, arms....collapse under your love.  I whisper under my breath...fall into your arms, instructing myself...reminding myself. I don't have to control all of this...in fact any time I've tried it has caused nothing but scars and callouses hardening my spirit and cutting the flesh of those around me.  My wild beast inside can rest...it is time to lay her down to sleep, and pray the Lord my soul to keep.  Her anger and venom stems from her exhaustion... she's running on empty.  Putting a beast to sleep, that wants to devour you, takes more than human strength.  Takes more than a strong will or a controlled character.  On my own, I lose, and the beast eats me whole...over and over...regurgitating my bashed and mangled heart. But when I fall into his arms the shield is thick and venom proof...and he lulls the beast to sleep and keeps her locked away in the prison I've just escaped.

The gift is freedom and it's time to open the lid...release it because that's what it's for...walk in it because I can...because I'm invited...because you emptied my weighted hands and said run!  And when I dodge bullets and trip over potholes and my own two feet, I can fall into your arms and you set me free again...because who the son sets free is free indeed! (John 8:36)

(See picture at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/98938523037241337/)