The introvert inside is desperately looking for camouflage today. To slip inside an invisibility cloak and spend the day drifting without one ounce of attention...without one acknowledgement...without one eye glancing...looking...judging. Even avoiding the mirror is tempting...regardless of whether the someone starting back is familiar...but eyes pry...even if they're just mine.If only it were that easy to disappear...
Exhaustion from living introverted in a society that demands so much of your attention, time, soul...to fill it with things that will pass away...nothing lasting...and nothing that fills up a fragile and hungry spirit with nourishment.
There are days an introverted heart begs for a transplant. For a new personality...feeling small can feel like a load to bear...a curse at times. Many days have come and gone feeling trampled and condemned for being me. Wondering if I'm really enough...wondering when being in large crowds will stop feeling like drowning. Wondering if God could really use someone so seemingly shy...imperfect to carry out his message of peace and hope and love. Words are choked when liquid waves of doubt fill the mouth...gurgle in the lungs.
But there's always a miracle to be birthed...with letting go and letting my Creator do his handiwork. He knows what this small frame...this tiny existence... is capable of through his encouragement and power. Maybe the miracle can only be truly recognized when someone like me actually is used...in spite of myself. When an emerging deep within...when a creative spirit is seen by the masses even when feelings want to isolate and hide deep in the cocoon. It's then that beauty has a choice...it can hide in the familiar or it can allow itself to naturally emerge and make a difference by being seen. To believe a difference can be made...that it has worth and purpose. The only choice an introvert needs to make is to let go...you don' t need to change...condemn yourself...fake it...just let the white knuckles loosen.
Stop striving to do it yourself...in the crushing grip, the intimidation of condemnation.
A heart that trusts becomes free...even the most timid of hearts...freedom in the letting go. Freedom in the seemingly impossible. Freedom in the miracle of knowing you have value...to be birthed...seen...used. Freedom when the condemnation halts...and acceptance becomes your mantra...your worth...your name. The kind of acceptance your Creator is already declaring over you and longing to pour out on to you...into every dry and cracked crevasse of your heart that is thirsty for the miracle .
Freedom for the introvert
(see picture at http://pinterest.com/pin/98938523037006225/)
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