Releasing the Crisis of Belief

Give up, give in...or look up and press in.

The crisis of belief...are you there?  Navigating through the difficult...the awkward...the slippery.

Even when you know God is good and his promises are always yes and he will turn all things for your good...the choice to just throw your hands up and walk away is your flesh's request because this doesn't feel good, God!

But maybe, just maybe in this unsettled state, you're in is the exact spot that your Maker wants you to be...poured out and empty...a dry and dusty vessel desperately needing to be filled.  When you are emptied out more of his purposes and HIS delights can be fulFILLED in you.  More of this grace and forgiveness, his peace and joy...because there is nothing to interfere in this perfectly spacious state.

But there is a choice to be made...it's the way this whole thing was designed...and maybe that's why this slippery life can get away from you sometimes.  When you don't know what else to do and you aren't feeling particularly intuitive about this fork in the road.  When you wonder if God really sees you or hears you...your patience is worn thin...and you're so done!

But you also know that giving up could mean letting go of receiving His fullness...His blessings and abundance...His favour....the purpose He has destined for you.  And to give up on these things seems far worse than any momentary discomfort or uncertainty.

Press in during this time...speak up...ask questions....be vulnerable even, so you can receive all you need.  Reach out...to others...who know this place and have been filled in their driest time.  Ask them to fill you with the one thing that has worked for many dry and dusty generations... prayer.  Filled by an interceding of your fellow comrades... pleading for the clouds to open and the Mighty One to come in power and fill this vessel with an outpouring that would stir and wake and bring to life that which feels sucked lifeless...an outpouring that will change everything. It's a precarious time...it's war...and if your comrades aren't carrying the wounded soldier to the infirmary, then who will?  Then the soldier may die, suffocated by the giving up and giving in of his flesh.

This dry vessel needs to look up and open wide...heavenward.  Just stay open and you will be filled as the cloud of blessing and favour, joy and peace and clarity... liquid life... spill out upon you and every crack is filled. 

The cloud is coming...just look up...know that if you are down to nothing, God is up to something!

Matthew 26:41 - Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.  The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

(see pictures at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/98938523037202458/

Releasing the Overflow

Items neat and tidy...in their place.  I clean crevasses out and purge the excess...ridding myself of clutter.  I neatly stack piles and scrub surfaces to sparkling...slacks freshly pressed and shirts neatly tucked.  My pulse beats with a fighting rhythm if the wind blows and shuffles things...intertwines hairs and waters my eyes.

But this is not the holiest of places....there's more joy to be had beyond this meticulous world I've constructed... a place where my knees buckle and the wind howls a love song so intoxicating I let go and let everything fly and spin.  

His love is ferocious....like a turbine that envelopes me in a wild dance, sucking me under with grace and healing and this unruly forgiveness that he can't help but pour out...and this holy liquid love gushes and fills this vessel until overflowing.  No space left for milk or cream or anything else to be added, only filled by him...and it runs everywhere and all my best efforts to keep it contained are in vain.   

This extravagance, this overflow, this mess of too much upon much more, this abundant outpouring goes against everything I hold so tightly to most days....but when I am enveloped and sucked under and overflowing with this revelation of his goodness and glory, his kindness and unbelievable love I give up and lean in to this unknown, and then I, myself begin to release this ferocious love all around me...by the grace of this amazing overflow... I can't help myself...I am never in want.  This cannot be contained in neatly stacked piles and I couldn't possibly focus long enough to scrub and press and purge.  

A child being wildly swung around in her daddy's strong yet tender arms, giggling with no reservation...you want everyone to get entangled in this crazy thing you could never fully describe.

This extravagance is for you... let go long enough and trust the free-fall into his glorious overflow.

(see picture at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/98938523037184448/)

Releasing #3

Numbers mean something to me...I feel like God gives me messages through them.  I'm not a mathematician, in fact I typically add by using my fingers and use calculators for anything more difficult.  I barely squeezed a pass out of grade 13 Calculus and that was with extra help every morning before class.  But just the same, numbers speak to me.

This year God has been showing me the number 3.  I turned 33 on 03/13/13.  I keep seeing 3's wherever I go...the time, prices, addresses, phone numbers.  I don't always know what the numbers mean, but it makes me pay attention and feel like I'm a part of some secret operation.  Things have been happening this year...I'm growing...doors are opening.  But it's not all easy.  Growing, stretching, molding all go together and inevitably pain can accompany these.

I was thinking today, why 3 God?  What's the significance?  He brought to mind where 3 is placed in sequence...it's not first and it's not second.  It's close but still far away.  It takes patience to get to 3...if you give up because it's not the first two numbers you see then you'll miss out...you have to push through to get there...but not so much that it's impossible.  

Three is inconspicuous...and we all know that God loves the inconspicuous.  A servant girl to bear the immaculate conception, a stutterer to lead God's chosen to the promised land, a carpenter to save the world from death.  So even little inconspicuous me can be used by the almighty God!  

Three also requires you to take steps to get to it...you can't just jump to the number 3 without effort....you have to go through number 1 and 2...experience what each number holds preparing you, segueing you into the number 3.  

So what is this saying?  Be patient...don't give up...humble yourself cause he loves the inconspicuous...enjoy the journey - it is preparing you for what lies ahead...for your next destination.  I may not know where he's taking me next but what I do know is
that right now and all that came before are relevant.  

I want to learn and grow and I lean on him to show me the path...lead me through the segue.

(see picture at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/98938523037164759/)


this is a real picture from my email inbox on July 16, 2013...it's a bit blurry but my inbox item number hit 3,333 when I turned it on first thing!  I had to take a picture...don't ignore any of the messages He gives you moment by moment!

Releasing Words

I didn't know the power of a word until it was spoken 

and something inside dropped dead.  

The poison spread and took root.  

A word was spoken, flippantly, innocently, carelessly as a joke of sorts and it changed my perspective... sometimes it lays dormant but like a chill it will creep and it haunts over and over. I remember... and the beast rises up and my ego chimes in with a harmony like the song is something to sing along to....but it's not.  And it kills a part of me every time the song is sung.  

I wonder if the forbidden fruit in paradise tasted like the thick sweetness of gossip or slander until the goupy paste began to choke and rot all that was innocent, and the knowledge gained changed everything.  Gave death instead of life.  It didn't matter how big the bite...the poison would remain just the same. I have placed my lips around the fruit of knowledge and hastily bit deep... thinking it was harmless.  Thinking it could feed something in me... and it did, but what it fed could have done without.  

To grow the beast, to water the tumour of regret and bitterness feeds the darkness...leaving no room for a heart of hope and love and joy.  After all, Jesus...light and life...cannot exist in the darkness, so when I invite evil to come and surround my thoughts and my words I am just as easily building walls around my soul keeping the light out.  

Slander brings death to the name of another...I never had the right...it was never my place even if I wasn't speaking the words...but I encouraged them and nursed them out. I'm not privy to what has been spoken...so why believe it, really.  Stretched truths and lies are made to make an interesting story...and when it enters the mind, the powerhouse of this temple, the story morphs and becomes more toxic as my mind dances and plays with the original words.  Stretching and twisting whatever it can.  Playing with fire...with darkness. 


The tree of knowledge bites back...I was warned.  There is the power of life and death in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21).  My words and yours.  I would rather the story of life to feed my soul.  Bring me your best words...not ones that are chewed and spit out hastily.  

Feed me with life, my friend, and I will set for you a table of truth and abundance where we can feast together.

(see picture at http://pinterest.com/pin/98938523037142491/)

Releasing Your Purpose (part II)

The seed has been planted...carefully watered and tended every day.  You keep coming back...with hopes to see life emerge. Spring up.  Give forth energy to live and grow and change.  Hoping for your inner man to come alongside and desire this purpose filled life your Life Giver and Creator has for you.  

You're waiting, and your praying and you're pacing the floor...you're so ready to move forward the souls of your feet begin to itch and burn with anticipation.  You keep your eyes peeled for that which is right in front of you...hoping to catch a glimpse of the purpose you so desperately desire.

It feels like everything may be aligning in some strange way...but you're not sure.

This buzzing and bubbling deep within needs some sort of force...something to activate it...like a word.  I'd like to water your seed for one moment, if I may.  With the same living water that activated the purpose I currently live under...that still sends hope and peace and joy coursing through my veins as I walk through every day awake for more....my next assignment. Where any discouragement I've come into agreement with is dissolved in an instant.  The father of lies hastily builds his foundations on sand, so when the mighty rush of the LIVING water...the living God...sweep through a soul being fed... hydrated... washed,all the lies, all the walls, all the blinders of the sand man get demolished...in Jesus name!  And His word is just that...living, breathing, mighty water...hear the rush...brace yourself...here it is:

LOVE GOD...LOVE OTHERS (Matthew 22:37-39)

If you need a minute, that's okay.  Catch your breath...chew on the words...digest them.   Allow it take root...in a new place...so the truth becomes new and the words take shape and you finally see your purpose right before your eyes.  We are all excitingly different, and uniquely creative...the way these words are played out, built up and accomplished is different for you... different for me.  But the common thread is the remaining and identical  foundation...tying us all together in some crazy wild amazing way.  The Rock of MY salvation is also yours.

Activation is powerful.  Momentum must be nurtured...but it's easy to nurture something that is changing your heart, renewing your mind and leading you into your purpose filled life.  Dig deep and see where your willing hands and his powerful truth meet...what that looks like...how it makes a difference...one life at a time.  

These words will change everything...if you let it. Activate!

(see picture at http://pinterest.com/pin/98938523037095639/)

Releasing Your Purpose

I knew waiting was part of it.  Being patient for the revelation.  I had done so much of that I started getting comfortable in the wait and then He said lets get up and go and I stood there for a minute.  I didn't understand until He brought the beautiful faces to mind.

Souls...spirits...different stories...but the same thread.  I think I was waiting for something so unfamiliar to show up...I didn't believe a purpose could just be pouring out into what was right in front of me...and had been for years.  

Be faithful with the little...the words pierced my heart and I could suddenly see.  I was resuscitated back to a living rhythm and could suddenly see all the beautifully complicated woven webs of life and struggle and precious souls that He had brought to my path...that I could love and encourage and help to set free with His words of truth.  

Hungry people...with ravenous appetites for more.  All I had to do was feed them what I already had...from the overflow of what He graciously and abundantly gives me everyday...and to those who were right before me...in my life...on my path.

With a shoulder shaking, belly releasing out loud laughing i stood dumbfounded...it was so simple...so obvious and I had missed it time and time again.    

If you're not careful, you can fall asleep in the thick soupy drone of the familiar...lose your vision...lose your interest...lose your mind...lose your way.  But when you really open your eyes then suddenly the monotonous morphs into the beauty of each privileged moment where trusts and tears and the bearing of raw and beautiful souls is bestowed upon you and you realize...this is the place where heaven meets earth.  The holiness kisses your brow...and you suddenly see that he's got you right where he wants you.  And it's not some romantic mysterious faraway land or exotic story like you might have thought. It's right here...right where you are...in your coffee stained slacks and your sunburned hands.  Its not neat and tidy and scrubbed sparkling...but its heavenly beautiful.  

To some it's nothing extraordinary...this beautiful purpose filled life looks frayed and dull. And it would...to eyes that have fallen asleep to the familiar...eyes that will struggle their way to the end of the story looking for a beautiful purpose and place that is already being offered to them...he waits patiently...for decades...for lifetimes...with hands outstretched waiting for the gift to be taken. 

When I finally embraced His desires for my heart they instantly transfused into my own coursing veins and so began my stained and frayed and perfectly beautiful purpose filled life.  Day to day monotony grew new dimensions and flourished into technicolour. Dry bones watered with His word and truth.  Eyes wide open to divine appointments that were packaged as emails and lunch dates.


Don't fall asleep in the wait...in the familiar.  It's not forever... Keep your eyes peeled for His outstretched hands offering you the gift.  Don't be surprised if it's one you've already rejected and stamped returned to sender. The name and address are not a mistake. Tear open the adhesive seal and release the beautifully familiar...the beautiful purpose filled life.

(see picture at http://pinterest.com/pin/98938523037077750/)

Releasing the Wait

Memories...serve as a teaching tool to my spirit.  Many things in life can teach...as if the child I was knew something I've somehow forgotten... 

I think back to my 5 year old self.  Sitting on the hill in the school playground...the yard emptied out...all the children went home...I sat waiting for my babysitter...she never showed.  I thought I'd be stuck on that hill forever...that my tummy would get hungry and my eyes would get sleepy and the bugs would crawl all over me...forever.  I knew I couldn't start the trek home alone.  I was instructed to wait, and so I did.  Minutes felt like hours to my 5 year old perception.  I felt alone and forgotten.  Mummy's instruction played over and over in my mind...don't ever leave on your own...and so I waited.  

Would I ever be rescued?  Should I fumble my way home?  Get lost...get in trouble?  But I didn't know the direction of home...and I didn't know how to cross the street...and I didn't know how to rescue myself.  So I waited.  

I could hear her voice before I could see her fear stricken eyes.  It echoed off the brown brick walls...past the basketball nets and through the hopscotch pads.  It spoke authority and I knew I could run down the hill and go home now.  Mummy, I'm here!  I've been waiting!  Her pupils wide...unable to blink from fear. She was more afraid than I was.  But I was rescued and the wait was over and we went home...

I still don't really know how to rescue myself most days.  And I hear the instruction clearly in my head: Be still and know that I am God.  Just wait, Jenny.  Sit on the hill of waiting, enjoy the view...know that I'm on my way and that my timing is JUST in time!  

Some days I manage to doze off and the bugs are crawling all over me and I'm bored and ungrateful for what I have. I'm annoyed that I don't know the way...that I can't just figure this out for myself.   I wonder if God really knows what he's doing.  

I'm pacing in circles...treading water for what feels like too long...the pool is looking murky and my toes are shriveled...has it been hours or days now...I lost count.  Instead of waiting expectantly, knowing he'll come, I've begun to lose sight, stop listening, stop caring...that this is only for a little while.  My perception is not of eternal time where the hours and days are just a small blip on the screen...not knowing a hearty rhythm of life is just minutes away.  Where He'll lead me down a new path, away from this hill... to a place I've been waiting to go but couldn't find on my own.  But if I get up now and wander off I might lose my way...trying to hurry it along...figure it out for him because God, you don't seem to know what you're doing.  But he promises to rescue me and turn all things for good and complete exactly what he started...if I am still and I wait patiently his voice will break through the yard when it's time...not a second too late.  

Be confident of his perfect promises... the perfect timing ...the perfect way...  

If you've been waiting, then he's on his way...he knows where to find you...listen for his call and don't hesitate when it's time! 

Be still and know that I am God ~ Psalm 46:10

Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for him to act.  ~ Psalm 37:7

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus ~ Philippians 1:6


(see picture at http://pinterest.com/pin/98938523037061173/)