Releasing Expectations

The weight of expectation unfulfilled.  My heart bleeds and turns stone cold with resentment because you didn't come through. 

My cheeks burn red as something inside feels wounded...offended.  My eyes dart wildly to blame the culprit...point my finger and stamp my feet.  I search hard, and for a second I catch a glint from someones eye...I rush over to stare them in the face...to spread the guilt thick and tell them how heavy the disappointment presses...how deep the scars run.  How dare you inflict this pain!  I get closer and my eyes focus as I take a breath to place the blame...I see a familiar face...a reflection.  It's me.

The sticky web of expectation...of placing a need of my own in another...I get stuck in my own head, my own selfish-want and need and wounds of the past driving my expectations of today.  I'm not always aware, but I'm desperately trying to control my world and everyone in it.  My inner dialogue is fear based and only harms a party-of-one when my offences rise up and my ego convinces me this life revolves around MY need.

Working out bumps and bruises, we are all stumbling through this life.  When I hold expectation in another I am distorting the reality of our finite and marred condition.  How can any other human being heal me or save me or fill some void that lays desperately hollow...because this burning offence and deep hurt stems from a need being left unmet. I haven't been able to fill it myself and so maybe someone else can...someone I love, someone I trust...but someone who's imperfect, just like...well...ME.  We are in this whole messy life together as comrades, but certainly not as heroes or saviours.  Putting anyone on a pedestal...any pedestal... will certainly cause gravity to work against them.  

It goes without saying that kindness and love should be the gift we bring to our fellow-man, simply because we share this time and this earth together.  But if you find your teeth clenched and your back up and your soul bruised because you EXPECTED, remember that searching in hollow and empty places will leave you hollow and empty.

Lay down the offence...perhaps I have been wronged...ripped off...but it's only because I started it!    Allowing offences to fester and disappointment to rule my space harms only me and leaves little room for the need to ever be adequately filled.  

Forgiveness clears the mess and lets light flood the hollowness...lets the real Hero be the hero and the real Saviour save me from myself.

(see picture at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/98938523037320433/)