Releasing a New Catalyst

The life-long journey to happiness...

this tightrope walk has been quite the balancing act and at times seemingly impossible.  

To keep things in perfect balance so that my boat is never rocked. To place things in perfect, uninterrupted order. To work hard and make good choices with this underlying layer of a need to be showered with praise that in turn will fill up some insecure emptiness that dwells deep within. Somewhere along the line I decided that the approval of others and the high of a job well done was all that was worth living for and became the goal of my existence. The catalyst of my happiness. But when the heat turns up, the pressure presses in, and my humanness is in full effect...when I'm making mistakes and my equilibrium is lost where am I left? It's too easy to fail and to fall and to let emotions bump and bruise the tender flesh of my ego. The darkness begins to set in around me as I scramble to fix myself...to do better...to be better. But in spite of all my best intentions I'm forced to admit the hard truth...that I can't. The unraveling, the undoing in the secret place of my tightly wound self is the only place truth can begin. It's not in the striving or the threatening choke-hold of my will, although that is, admittedly, how I deal with my shortcomings. It's in surrendering. But surrendering is not a passive action...it's not weak...it's not a grovelling tail-between-my-legs thing...it's not the end. Maybe it's actually the moving from living within set parameters dictated by a broken world to living beyond human abilities. Into the realm of impossible...humanly impossible...unchartered waters where few have dared to set sail. Surrendering to a God who promises to be everything that I am not. Strength in weakness, beauty in ashes, righteousness in sin. No matter my failures the river of acceptance and approval, the fountain of joy and true contentment forever flows and my cup runneth over! But I must choose to surrender to the current and stop trying to swim up-stream. The happiness and joy I seek is not in striving against the current where I always seem to be pulled under by the tow...it's in the refreshing of the new streams found down the course. In the waters I don't know how to navigate yet. In the twists and turns I can't see, let alone can map out and plan for. Maybe there is a life and purpose to be unlocked in those twists and turns, if only I'll stop resisting them.
Along with surrender follows a similar vein in the heartbeat of happiness. And it beats to the rhythm of a familiar pulse. A familiar sound...the sound of my own voice. My heart and my mouth, though physically separate, are one in spirit. What is my mouth telling my heart? Life and death rest at the tip of my tongue...which am I choosing to release? Which am I allowing to move me along? Set that firm foundation of joy on that bedrock of life. Be silent when death tries to rise up...don't let it wreak havoc even if it tastes sweet. Instead open your mouth wide, and raise your voice with the song of life!

And if this life-song is not a part of your familiar repertoire, if you don't know the tune let alone the lyrics there's only one place to start...be still. Still in the presence of the One who longs to lavish you with a fierce and unrelenting love. Letting your heart pick up on the new vibration. And find lasting and true joy through a different catalyst. Trade the fickle crowd for the One who is sold-out in love with you...who has only ever thought beautiful and lasting thoughts of you. Ask Holy Spirit to teach you the song of life...to play you the love song of your life. Listen closely cause this one was written just for you. It's playing in your key...it was written specifically with you in mind. And as you, by faith, begin to sing it out you will find the notes not only bring the joy your crave, but in the deep and unfamiliar waters, it saves the life you live.





(see pictures at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/98938523039473959/ http://www.pinterest.com/pin/98938523039473963/)