Releasing a New Catalyst

The life-long journey to happiness...

this tightrope walk has been quite the balancing act and at times seemingly impossible.  

To keep things in perfect balance so that my boat is never rocked. To place things in perfect, uninterrupted order. To work hard and make good choices with this underlying layer of a need to be showered with praise that in turn will fill up some insecure emptiness that dwells deep within. Somewhere along the line I decided that the approval of others and the high of a job well done was all that was worth living for and became the goal of my existence. The catalyst of my happiness. But when the heat turns up, the pressure presses in, and my humanness is in full effect...when I'm making mistakes and my equilibrium is lost where am I left? It's too easy to fail and to fall and to let emotions bump and bruise the tender flesh of my ego. The darkness begins to set in around me as I scramble to fix myself...to do better...to be better. But in spite of all my best intentions I'm forced to admit the hard truth...that I can't. The unraveling, the undoing in the secret place of my tightly wound self is the only place truth can begin. It's not in the striving or the threatening choke-hold of my will, although that is, admittedly, how I deal with my shortcomings. It's in surrendering. But surrendering is not a passive action...it's not weak...it's not a grovelling tail-between-my-legs thing...it's not the end. Maybe it's actually the moving from living within set parameters dictated by a broken world to living beyond human abilities. Into the realm of impossible...humanly impossible...unchartered waters where few have dared to set sail. Surrendering to a God who promises to be everything that I am not. Strength in weakness, beauty in ashes, righteousness in sin. No matter my failures the river of acceptance and approval, the fountain of joy and true contentment forever flows and my cup runneth over! But I must choose to surrender to the current and stop trying to swim up-stream. The happiness and joy I seek is not in striving against the current where I always seem to be pulled under by the tow...it's in the refreshing of the new streams found down the course. In the waters I don't know how to navigate yet. In the twists and turns I can't see, let alone can map out and plan for. Maybe there is a life and purpose to be unlocked in those twists and turns, if only I'll stop resisting them.
Along with surrender follows a similar vein in the heartbeat of happiness. And it beats to the rhythm of a familiar pulse. A familiar sound...the sound of my own voice. My heart and my mouth, though physically separate, are one in spirit. What is my mouth telling my heart? Life and death rest at the tip of my tongue...which am I choosing to release? Which am I allowing to move me along? Set that firm foundation of joy on that bedrock of life. Be silent when death tries to rise up...don't let it wreak havoc even if it tastes sweet. Instead open your mouth wide, and raise your voice with the song of life!

And if this life-song is not a part of your familiar repertoire, if you don't know the tune let alone the lyrics there's only one place to start...be still. Still in the presence of the One who longs to lavish you with a fierce and unrelenting love. Letting your heart pick up on the new vibration. And find lasting and true joy through a different catalyst. Trade the fickle crowd for the One who is sold-out in love with you...who has only ever thought beautiful and lasting thoughts of you. Ask Holy Spirit to teach you the song of life...to play you the love song of your life. Listen closely cause this one was written just for you. It's playing in your key...it was written specifically with you in mind. And as you, by faith, begin to sing it out you will find the notes not only bring the joy your crave, but in the deep and unfamiliar waters, it saves the life you live.





(see pictures at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/98938523039473959/ http://www.pinterest.com/pin/98938523039473963/)

Releasing My Map

I'm a planner, organizer and fantasist.  

Mapping out the road to my life as I expect it...as looks fitting. 

I've learned to adjust and recalculate at times...as necessary...but usually not without a battle within.  

When the twists and turns dizzy me and a season has provided more detours than I can keep count I find my map making less and less sense.  As confusion sets in, the fear mounts.  I'm lost!  And I can hear the voice of my GPS repeating, grating at my nerves: when it's safe, please turn around.  I keep checking the rear-view mirror, but it's not safe...it's never safe to turn around.  Or maybe it is...but truth be told, I fear living the safe life.   To head back to where I've been...to risk getting stuck there.  Missing out on more, just to be safe.  I want to move forward...keep going but this road is not familiar...and I'm learning that my ability to let go and follow the path blindfolded, by faith alone,  is not my forte.  

Hot and fighting I power off the GPS.  I'm scared...but even more so I'm offended.  I've seen others go down this same road with no bumps, no detours, no cross-roads to navigate.

I make a sharp right hand turn...I don't know why but I do it anyway.  The road is dark and I can't see more than 2 feet in front of me.  

Suddenly my car thrusts me forward...I've hit something and I can't move.  

As I get out and smell the smoke from the mangled engine I see a sign nailed to a large wooden post marked DEAD END.  I look to the left and right...what to do?  I look up...and there it is.  Close to the top of this wooden post is a cross-beam.  Then it hits me....the end of this road is marked with a cross.  

I look at the sign again...touch it with my hand and as my fingers brush over it's surface the letters smear... revealing something new underneath...something I couldn't see before.  New words...new meaning.  What I saw as a DEAD END now reads DEATH ENDS HERE in red cap letters.  But what does it mean?  

In that instant, my eyes flood with light...and there before me stands a man.  He hands me something...it's a map.  It's my map...carefully drawn and thought out but filled with paths of frustration, limitations and dog-eared from the wear and tear of the years.  My tired little map.  

As I look up to ask the man where he got my map, he hands me 2 more items...a hammer and a nail.  He leans against the post, his shoulder touching the sign...I read it again DEATH ENDS HERE.  

Give it up right here, he says.  Nail that map and everything that's tied to it - all your expectations, confusion, fear, offences and uncertainty - to the cross.  It's the end of this road.  Give it up and I'll show you something new.  

I take one last look at my well intentioned, planned out journey.  There was a day it looked really good...shiny and new, exciting, methodical...and yes, safe.  But in this light it didn't look quite good enough any more.  

With 2 swift blows I nailed it all to where it belonged.  I dropped the hammer, and with empty hands and eyes fully open I looked up and I recognized Him...it was Jesus.  

That's my girl, He said.   He pulled out a compass, looked up, waited and then nodded.  

Are you ready? He asked.  

Ready for what? 

To begin! 

I stared not knowing what to say. 

This is the beginning, my Love.  The beginning to live life abundant.  In case you didn't notice, death ends here.  I have so much more for you that you could never fit on that little map. I know stuff you don't...and I will lead you where you would never go on your own. Beyond the well travelled road.  Beyond this point.  The road ends here...death ends here. Let's go LIVE. 

We walked forward, beyond what I thought was a DEAD END.   

Beyond the boarders of my little map is where I began to live.

John 10:10 (AMP)

The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows). 

Isaiah 55:8-9 (AMP)

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.

(see pictures at http://www.pinterest.com/pin/98938523039399472/  http://www.pinterest.com/pin/98938523039399470/  http://www.pinterest.com/pin/98938523039399464/)